"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
