office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
