Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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