Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
