i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
