...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
