How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
