broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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