Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Everything about him screamed your future.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
