your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The feeling are messing with the penis
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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