Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize
