my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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