I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
