I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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