I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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