Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize