apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
