my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I met the friendliest cop last night
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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