Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
