HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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