I faked an abortion last night.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
