Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Drunk is a universal language darling
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
