I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Tornado booty call.. dedication
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
