the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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