hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
