I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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