i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
