So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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