You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
