Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
