u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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