Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
