I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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