i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
