You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
this is an emotional support booty call
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
