i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Farmville is her only friend.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
