There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
