I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
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I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
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So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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