I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
