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• (518): View more from New York

  Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.

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  23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward

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• (516): View more from New York

  I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am

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  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!

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