Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!