Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
