Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.