actually, I'm a sock model
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.