Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep