I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
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repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
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How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha