if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.