Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
