I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
