Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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