So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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