she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
