We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
