Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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