I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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