What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
