Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
