we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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