he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
