I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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