I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
