I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
