we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
