I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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